Challenges

By Kieran McKenna, CASA Chile Fall 2019 (Swarthmore ‘21)

This semester has been ridiculously hard. I mean that in the best way possible. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been bored. I’ve thought school assignments were pointless, authority figures were out of touch, my peers were immature. I went to Swarthmore College expecting to be challenged. I was underwhelmed, to say the least. This semester, my luck turned. 

I came to Chile with a few years of classroom Spanish and a cursory understanding of Latin American history under my belt. I’m a white kid who grew up in South Bend, Indiana. I went abroad to escape -- to run away for a semester, without pesky parents, obnoxious roommates, or unhealthy workloads. I wasn’t sure what to expect. To be honest, I didn’t spend enough time thinking about what to expect. I didn’t really reflect on how I would fit in here. I knew, abstractly, that it would feel different to carry my privilege in a different place, speaking in a second language, without friends to back me up or familiar routines to anchor me. I talked to a few friends who had studied here before, but didn’t do much other research about where I would be living for the next five months. I planned to have a good time. I planned to get practice speaking Spanish. Other than that, it was complete trial by fire. Fly by the seat of my pants. 

I refused to purchase a SIM card here, forcing myself to learn the city with a map and my two legs. I did pretty much no schoolwork the first month and a half. I missed my friends a lot. Some days, I didn’t feel like leaving my room. Small trips sometimes felt overwhelming. Getting to the center of the city from my homestay house felt like a hassle. I felt trapped between worlds, unable to speak well enough to connect with local students and disconnected from other networks of people. In short, for the first time in a long time, I was challenged. 

I embraced this challenge. I set myself straight when I felt like I wanted to go home. I toughed it out when I felt lonely. I talked and talked and talked and made a million mistakes until one day I wasn’t thinking about what I was saying before I said it. I hiked some steep mountains and found some spectacular views (literally). I saw some beautiful sunsets in Atacama and spent a weekend bumming it on the beach in Pichilemu. I became friends with professors and sold old clothes outside of the library. I went to random bars with random people and taught myself how to skateboard again and tried to stretch before I went to bed every night. I bought cheap used books and found cute cafes with cool local bands. I participated in the biggest social movement in the last thirty years. I got a new earring and some edgy bangs and painted my nails.

I learned a lot about myself this semester. I learned how to value time alone instead of avoiding it. I learned to listen intently and be present. I learned to ask others what they thought before interjecting with my own opinions. I checked some of my own unconscious bad habits. I grew more patient. I traveled and laughed and avoided getting super out of shape. I can’t recommend doing the same for yourself enough.